Humorous Fiction/Romantic Comedy/Historical Fiction/Jewish Fiction
Date Published: July 9th, 2024
Publisher: Acorn Publishing
Abe Goldstein’s life is speeding downhill faster than a Coney Island roller coaster.
His Manhattan diamond company is on life support. Crime is so bad that muggers are mugging other muggers. And his overbearing mother has gone behind his back and posted his profile on a Jewish dating site. Now, Abe’s phone is blowing up with messages from women who want to marry him.
At the advice of his accountant, Abe flees to Honolulu and cuts a deal with an Okinawan family to buy their diamond ring business. The owner’s beautiful daughter Kiyoko stays on as a consultant, and Abe finds himself falling hard for her.
But there’s trouble in paradise. Abe’s meddlesome mother hires an unscrupulous matchmaker to break the pair up and find a nice Jewish girl for him instead. To make matters worse, a rival diamond firm connected to Japanese organized crime is bent on destroying Abe’s fledgling business, Shaloha Gems.
As Abe navigates the twists and turns of his unconventional island life, everything he values is in jeopardy. He may be willing to damage his relationship with his mother to preserve his romantic relationship. But will he crumble under the pressure if he loses his reputation and his budding diamond empire too? Or will a discovery that leads back to the darkest days of World War II open an unexpected door to a brighter future?
EXCERPT#1 – 836 words
Abe Goldstein stared out of the barred back-office window of his company, Goldy’s Diamonds & Gems, which overlooked the rainy and grey 47th Street Diamond District. The grimy man-trap door, the hallway entrance, and the lone off-duty NYPD officer outside told the story of a city that had seen its best days and was going downhill faster than a Coney Island roller coaster.
Abe thought even a roller coaster goes back up again, but there was no way in hell that New York would make a comeback. Since the Covid lockdowns, the huge spike in crime, and the exit of most of his retail client base out of New York City to South Florida, his retail business had dropped off a cliff, and his wholesale business was barely keeping him afloat.
Today, Abe was meeting with his longtime friend and accountant Adam Bushkin, whom Abe jokingly referred to as “Bombastic Buskin,” like Johnny Carson’s accountant who had once recommended that Carson invest in X-rated bookstores in Iran.
Like Abe, Adam was an Orthodox Jew who kept kosher, observed Shabbat, and wore the yarmulke to show reverence for Hashem. He looked and acted like a pudgy version of the old-time comedian Red Buttons, wearing the mischievous look of a man always on the verge of laughter. This was their quarterly meeting before tax filing, and Abe looked forward to it like he did a root canal.
“So, Bombastic,” he said, “give me the good news first, so I can smile for five seconds at least.”
Adam reported that, “The good news is that Katz’s Deli on Houston Street downtown has a new lunch special: all-you-can-eat kosher pickles with your fifty-dollar pastrami sandwich. The bad news is that revenues have sunk into the toilet by over 50 percent. I hate to tell you, Abe, but your business is on life support. You can’t hold on much longer. I suggest you consider selling and moving out-of-state. My other clients in the diamond business have moved to Florida — Miami, Boca Raton, and Palm Beach. The business district in those cities looks like Tel Aviv.”
Abe chewed his lower lip unhappily. “My diamond clients who moved there tell me the competition is so fierce that they’re all undercutting each other, and their margins are slimmer than the Jewish book of business ethics. They are making bupkis down there.”
Abe’s father, Moishe, had founded the business in New York City after the war. Moishe was a Holocaust survivor of the Dachau concentration camp and still had the tattoo on his left forearm. Now he had a scraggly white beard and hunched back from old age, and the demeanor of a man who had seen much suffering in his life.
Before the war, Moishe’s family had established diamond businesses in Amsterdam and Antwerp. They’d lost everything after the Germans conquered the Netherlands. Moishe’s parents, brothers, and sisters all perished in the camps. Moishe was the youngest and survived to be liberated by the United States Army. Later, he was sent to a displaced persons’ camp and was adopted by the Goldstein’s, distant relatives who were also in the diamond business in New York.
Abe resembled his father as a young man, but even more so the movie star Adam Sandler, with curly brown hair and a well-trimmed beard that accentuated his cleft chin and square jawline.
“Bombastic,” he exclaimed, “what am I going to do? We still have a great supply line of diamond cutters in Tel Aviv and connections with De Beers in Johannesburg. Come up with something!”
A week later, Adam called Abe and set up a lunch meeting at Katz’s. The men slid into their usual booth, gripping pastrami sandwiches thick enough to choke a horse. They munched on the endless pickle barrel gracing each table.
“There’s enough salt in these pickles to kill the entire cardiology wing at Bellevue Hospital,” Abe joked.
“Abe, you are a young man, only forty. It will take at least fifty years for Katz’s pickles to kill you — unless you marry a Jewish yenta. Then I give you about twenty years or less.”
Abe wiped his mouth on a napkin and shot Adam a dour look. “Don’t mention marriage. My mother is driving me crazy. She even bought me an online subscription to JDate, that Jewish singles dating app. She put my photo and cell phone numbers on the site. I got meshuga women contacting me day and night. They only show headshots and describe themselves as voluptuous, so I am guessing that some of these women are big enough to put license plates on them.”
His accountant smiled. “Abe, don’t choke on your pastrami sandwich when I tell you this, but I think I found a gem of a wedding/engagement ring company where the markups on diamond rings are double what they are in New York.”
Abe arched a brow. “Oh, yes? Pray tell me where this gem is located.”
“It’s in Honolulu, Hawaii.” Adam leaned across the table, eyes twinkling. . .
EXCERPT #2 – 649 words
Kenji Ono owner of Ono Diamonds and main competitor to Shaloha Gems left a message indicating that he would like to meet to discuss some business ideas that both companies would find beneficial. Kenji suggested that they meet at his offices in a high-rise building on restaurant row.
But Adam told Abe it would be best to meet in a public place and to somehow record the conversation in the event that Mr. Ono made a direct or implied threat. Adam added that according to the law, the unauthorized recording of a conversation is illegal unless there is no expectation of privacy, such as in an outdoor restaurant.
Kenji Ono arrived at the outdoor bar and restaurant accompanied by a stout Japanese male wearing wraparound sunglasses, a sports jacket, and a silk shirt buttoned up to the top button. Abe noticed that it was a particularly hot and muggy day and wearing that sport jacket and shirt was out of place and must have been uncomfortable.
“Gentlemen, this is my business associate, Taka-San from Japan. He does not speak much English, so I will translate for him.”
Abe began the conversation while Adam positioned the briefcase with the pinhole camera so that it could record the video and audio of the conversation.
“Kenji Ono, I am surprised that you wanted to speak to us,” Abe began. “I can’t imagine what you wanted to talk about. You brought your business associate Taka-san from Japan. What an honor.”
Adam had previously instructed Abe to verify the identity of players so that there would be no mistake if the video recording was ever used as evidence.
“Mr. Goldstein, I see that you’re spending lots of money on advertising on television. I hope it pays off for you.”
“We are doing okay. Why do you mention it?”
“Well, Ono Diamonds relies on local business for our customer base, not so much for wealthy mainland haoles who want expensive designer island rings or pendants for their wives or girlfriends as a memento of their visit. Our company doesn’t have the high-end inventory or jewelry design capability to go after that crowd. Your company does.”
Kenji gave a tight smile. “We are just local boys trying to make a living, and Shaloha Gems is cutting into our bottom line. We have been in this community a long time and intend to be here a lot longer, longer than you will.” He bared his teeth. “We won’t be undercut by some New York Jewish haoles, do you understand?”
Adam decided to jump into the conversation and bait Kenji a little.
“Kenji and Mr. Takko,” he said mildly, “that is what’s called capitalism, free enterprise, the American Way. Do you have a problem with that? You said you wanted to discuss a business proposition that would help both businesses. We are all ears.”
Taka-san leaned forward in his seat and glared at both Adam and Abe while Kenji Ono spoke.
“Goldstein, I strongly suggest that you concentrate on the high-end haole tourist market and leave the local wedding engagement ring business to us. Things will go a lot smoother for you if you do.”
Adam replied, “Kenji, I detect a menacing tone in your voice. Are you threatening us?”
Kenji Ono stood up from the table, and Taka-san spilled his drink into Abe’s lap, pretending the move was an accident. “Suimasen, Goldstein-san, sorry,” he muttered.
Kenji Ono and taka-San abruptly left the table.
After they walked away, Abe turned to Adam. “Bombastic, do you think that little move was a not-so-subtle message by odd-job?”
“Absolutely. Notice odd-job was wearing a sports jacket and buttoned-up shirt on a muggy day?”
“Yes, I did notice that. Why?”
“Because full body tattoos are covered that way. Did you notice his left pinky, which he hid under the table the whole time?
“No, I did not. Why?”
“Because it wasn’t there.”
About the Author
Born and raised in New Jersey, Terry Chodosh earned his MS in criminology from Florida State University. Terry began his twenty-eight-year career with the United States Secret Service (USSS) in NYC and fulfilled assignments in the San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Honolulu field offices as well as in the Gerald Ford protective detail.
While assigned to the Honolulu office, Terry traveled extensively in Asia, conducting complex financial crime investigations and providing executive protection for US government officials, including the president and vice president of the United States. After retirement, Terry wanted to tap into his humorous and creative side, which was often restrained throughout his career, so he began writing his novel Shaloha Gems.
Terry lives with his wife and son in Honolulu, Hawaii. He enjoys distance swimming in the ocean and outrigger canoe paddling, and he strives to stay one step ahead of skin cancer and tiger sharks.
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